28 Things A Man Should Never Do (No Matter How Long he Lives)

 Cover9ja Blog | Nigeria's Relationship, Political & Lifestyle Blog

Disclaimer: This is a listicle of things a man should never do, not a constitution. We won’t penalize you for disagreeing; you’ll only look like a fool. If you’re an adult male, here’s a list of things you should never do, no matter how long you live:

  1. Invest your life savings in a company when you don’t understand its business.
  2. Ask a woman, “what are you thinking about?” Especially when she’s pissed. That’s Pandora’s box right there. You do not want to open it. Trust me, I’d know.
  3. Get drunk in public. Alone. Without a means of getting back home safely
  4. Break your word.
  5. Fail to read a book in a year
  6. Take relationship tips from watching popular movies, romcoms and television shows.
  7. Enjoy One-upping any girl. Nothing makes me want to stab myself in the eye with cutlery than a man who feels like he has to compete
    with a girl in every sentence.
    Example:
    Her: Oh, I love Chinese food.
    You: Have you been to China before?
    Her: Yes, I went on holiday there for a few months
    You: Well, I was once the president of China.   (Extreme, but you get my drift).
  8. Cheat on your wife. Evade taxes. Hide a tile when playing Scrabble with your kids.
  9. Name your penis your name plus “Junior.”
  10. Say things like, “I have your type at home” to a woman in public.
  11. Body shame anyone.
  12. Promise you’ll call someone, then never call.
  13. Ask your wife/girlfriend “Is that what you’re going to wear?” Best case scenario, you’ll be waiting in the sitting room for the next one hour while she tries on twenty-five other different outfits. Worse still, your opinion will be needed on all of them, and when you say “that looks amazing can we go now?” she’ll not believe you.
  14. Have double standards. Grow some balls and own up to it, you cheap son of a gun!
  15. Ogle at a girl (ii) catcall (iii) Grope a girl. Sure, her buttons are struggling to contain her ample bosoms. Sure, she might be “your colour,” But “pervert” and “sexual predator” isn’t a label you can just shake off.
  16. Slut-shame a woman
  17. Lie to a small child.
  18. Cut your hair yourself.  Don’t be a cheapo. Save yourself from looking like a cross between Smeagol and Johnny Bravo.
  19. Be afraid to work hard.
  20. Allow a bully to go unchallenged in any situation. 
  21. Blame others or circumstances for your own mistakes.
  22. Snoop through her phone, closets, or medicine chest. There’s probably nothing in there you need to worry about. But rest assured, you’ll find something you don’t want to see.
  23. Let your briefs show above your jeans (i.e. sag). We really don’t want to know you finally got a pair of Aldos.
  24. Refer to breasts as chesticles. 
  25. As a student, take a girl to night class (ii) Chat with any girl during night class.
  26. Watch Zee World. (ii) Enjoy Zee World.
  27. Lie (ii) Believe a lie (iii) Lie to yourself.
  28. Call out your significant other in public. (ii) Inflict physical harm on them.

That’s it guys!  Did I miss anything?  Let me know in the comments section.

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