Disclaimer: This is a listicle of things a man should never do, not a constitution. We won’t penalize you for disagreeing; you’ll only look like a fool. If you’re an adult male, here’s a list of things you should never do, no matter how long you live:
- Invest your life savings in a company when you don’t understand its business.
- Ask a woman, “what are you thinking about?” Especially when she’s pissed. That’s Pandora’s box right there. You do not want to open it. Trust me, I’d know.
- Get drunk in public. Alone. Without a means of getting back home safely
- Break your word.
- Fail to read a book in a year
- Take relationship tips from watching popular movies, romcoms and television shows.
- Enjoy One-upping any girl. Nothing makes me want to stab myself in the eye with cutlery than a man who feels like he has to compete
with a girl in every sentence.
Her: Oh, I love Chinese food.
You: Have you been to China before?
Her: Yes, I went on holiday there for a few months
You: Well, I was once the president of China. (Extreme, but you get my drift).
- Cheat on your wife. Evade taxes. Hide a tile when playing Scrabble with your kids.
- Name your penis your name plus “Junior.”
- Say things like, “I have your type at home” to a woman in public.
- Body shame anyone.
- Promise you’ll call someone, then never call.
- Ask your wife/girlfriend “Is that what you’re going to wear?” Best case scenario, you’ll be waiting in the sitting room for the next one hour while she tries on twenty-five other different outfits. Worse still, your opinion will be needed on all of them, and when you say “that looks amazing can we go now?” she’ll not believe you.
- Have double standards. Grow some balls and own up to it, you cheap son of a gun!
- Ogle at a girl (ii) catcall (iii) Grope a girl. Sure, her buttons are struggling to contain her ample bosoms. Sure, she might be “your colour,” But “pervert” and “sexual predator” isn’t a label you can just shake off.
- Slut-shame a woman
- Lie to a small child.
- Cut your hair yourself. Don’t be a cheapo. Save yourself from looking like a cross between Smeagol and Johnny Bravo.
- Be afraid to work hard.
- Allow a bully to go unchallenged in any situation.
- Blame others or circumstances for your own mistakes.
- Snoop through her phone, closets, or medicine chest. There’s probably nothing in there you need to worry about. But rest assured, you’ll find something you don’t want to see.
- Let your briefs show above your jeans (i.e. sag). We really don’t want to know you finally got a pair of Aldos.
- Refer to breasts as chesticles.
- As a student, take a girl to night class (ii) Chat with any girl during night class.
- Watch Zee World. (ii) Enjoy Zee World.
- Lie (ii) Believe a lie (iii) Lie to yourself.
- Call out your significant other in public. (ii) Inflict physical harm on them.
That’s it guys! Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments section.