Do Past Heartbreaks Turn Anyone Into Heartbreakers?

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Does heartbreaks transform people into unloving, vile or heartbreakers? This is as much a debate as it is a question. This is the usual narrative: that a person who is faithful and committed, experiences a heartbreak or a form of betrayal from their partner or love interests and the experience alters their perception of love and transforms them into monsters who are serial heartbreakers.


Now, the question is, is an experience enough to transform someone from faithful to uncommitted? Or are people just bad for no reason, regardless of whatever experiences they might have had with love? So earlier today I collected some opinions from some folks on what they feel about this, and I had interesting feedbacks.

Read Also: Can You Forgive Being Cheated On?

Juliet, a stylist, insisted that no one could hold anyone responsible for whatever they did to other people. According to her, no matter how bad one was treated in an earlier relationship, it was no excuse to become a player. In her words, “just because one person broke your heart doesn’t mean that automatically become an asshole. You can’t blame your actions on a wrong done to you by someone else.”


In agreeing with Juliet, Piriye also posited that people only used the heartbreak story as a leverage to justify their actions. A player is a player, he said, whether or not anyone broke their hearts.” Everyone has been hurt by love in one way or another”, he started, “but you don’t see everyone suddenly becoming serial players just because they’d been hurt before.”

Kunle however, had a different opinion. According to him, an initial bad experience with love was strong enough to make one totally disenchanted with the fantasy of true love, thereby making them unwilling to make efforts to keep a commitment. He further explained that certain people went through such bad experiences with a partner that it affects their perception of an emotional connection with other people. He also said that one could go through an experience so terrible that it poisons their hearts and makes them vengeful, thereby making scapegoats of everyone who eventually passes through their lives.


Going by these arguments, it’s tricky to say exactly if past relationships are capable of influencing one’s attitude towards love. Can past heartbreaks, whether a single one or a multiplicity of them, transform one into a heartbreaker? We’d like to know what you think about that.

3 Comments

  1. Well, I won’t say it turns one into a heartbreaker, but it changes you. Maybe not significantly for everyone, but it does.

    Everyone has had a bit or a lot of damage done to their heads, hearts and minds just from heartbreak and pain. Some can control it, for others it controls them.

    Pain from past relationships is one of the major things that formed my lack of belief in the existence of genuine, pure, unadulterated and selfless love. If you say ‘i love you’, then I may just raise an eyebrow and look at you suspiciously initially. Afterwards, I may relax. I am just starting to warm up to this idea of love and it is a slow but steady process.

    When I was much younger, my male cousins used to call me “heartbreaker.” Why? Someone hurt me and I decided to pay it forward in full. Did it make me happy in the long run? No. But I got temporary relief and for me, that was good enough for me at the time.

    Fast forward to my adult life, an ex showed me the real definition of ‘people change’ when they start making money. He was the decent gentleman and we were the young happy couple trying to grow together. Then, money happened and so did the lies and sneaking around. He changed. Now, that experience made me say that I would never date a man that is still growing and I would only date a ‘ready made’ man. Of course, that was just me blowing off some steam because the one thing I can never be is a figure-head. I have to be a part of my partner’s story and vice versa.

    In the end, the way I see it, you should never give so much power to someone that they are able to change you just by their actions and/or words. I have learnt to walk far away from bad energy, negativity and toxic people, so it does not end up messing with your head and heart.

  2. Yes it Turns one into a heart breaker, sorry to say am one, what actually happened was I gave my ex who happened to be my first love, everything, I loved him with every thing in me, dated him for 3years, I knew every body in his family and he knew mine too. I endured a lot of abuses of all kinds, later got to find out that my guys of 3yrs was engaged, I asked bros and all he could say was it’s just engagement nah and it could be broken anytime ? that was when I gathered the courage to Waka and never look back, ever since then I built this huge wall around me because of fear I guess, and I just mess with guys feelings I know it’s wrong Buh I enjoy watching them beg and cry when I break up with them……. Hopefully I’ll change someday but not anytime soon.

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