Domestic Violence: A Victim Recounts Her Experience

 Cover9ja Blog | Nigeria's Relationship, Political & Lifestyle Blog

I sat at the other side of the bed, my eyes are swollen. I had cried to stupor until my eyes had no more tears to shed. Last night was a horrible one, not like it was the first time it was happening but the fact that he had nothing to justify his actions in all ramification. I felt like a piece of trash, my face felt as heavy as ever, although, I haven’t looked at the mirror, but I could feel the heavy lumps my face carried. I summoned up courage to look at the mirror to see what my monster of a husband had turned me into.

I stood up from the gigantic bed. I remembered vividly my first time on this bed, it was filled with lots of romantic moments and life seemed to me like a bed of roses that I felt it would never end. But today this same bed irritates me, it’s more of a nightmare to me, each night I spent on this bed brings me nothing but pain and to think I am in this forever, going to be miserable like this forever. 

I took a few steps forward, I got to the mirror, running my hands over the big dressing mirror. I couldn’t believe what my face looked like. Oh! what a beauty Jide has turned me into, and for how long will I continue like this?

 Cover9ja Blog | Nigeria's Relationship, Political & Lifestyle Blog
Domestic Violence

I cried all day long, but I said to myself, crying wouldn’t bring any change considering the fact that I had cried the other times and still it didn’t change anything. However, something in me told me that this would be the very last, but how? I didn’t know but I knew it deep down my heart. Those were my thoughts as the call of nature took me off to the land of no worries.

It was past 8pm, I had slept for so long but who wouldn’t? With the kind of pain, I felt all over my body. I lay back down on the bed when suddenly the door opened, and it was Jide, I maintained my position of sleeping hoping that Jide would remain on his lane too which I felt was the right thing to do. But no surprisingly I felt his hands roughly squeezing my breast, not even an apology after all he did to me?

 Cover9ja Blog | Nigeria's Relationship, Political & Lifestyle Blog
Domestic Violence

Read Also: What Are Your Deal Breakers? Let’s Talk

No Jide stop, I can’t do this now my whole body hurts, I feel pains all over. I thought that he would be sensible enough to let me be, but I was wrong of course he can never be sensible at all. That only earned me another beating of my life as he pounced on me, ravaging me like a hawk. I watched him pounce on me left, right, center.

I could remember the first time we had made love, it was the best love making I ever had, the way he touched me so gentle and respectful, he wouldn’t stop until I was satisfied. But now, he doesn’t care about me and how I felt, he pounces on me like a dog and comes down like a chicken.

I lost my respect and dignity as a woman, I lost my sanity and now I am losing my sexual life too. Before I could return back to the present, off course he was down already snoring, he was done with his usual rape, I think he drives pleasure from beating and taking me forcefully.

I remained awake all through the night praying for the day to break as quick as possible. It was past 10 in the morning, the cold breeze of the morning had made me fall asleep. Siting up on the bed, I noticed that my worst nightmare was out already, trying to get myself together for the morning I suddenly had this nauseous feeling and tiredness. This feeling wasn’t strange to me, I have had this feeling before when I was about having Mike my first son, the first fruit of my womb, my only consolation in this hell of a marriage.

Wait a minute, I hope it’s not what am thinking I said to myself, I quickly rushed to the drawer and took out my home pregnancy test strip. I quickly got my horrible self into the bathroom, I unsealed the strip and immersed the strip into my urine with the arrow end pointing towards my urine. I took it out after 3 seconds laying it flat, I waited patiently for the colored bands to appear as I prayed so hard it doesn’t happen. In less than 40 seconds it was all over, I was pregnant I cried not because of the baby, but because of the thought of having another baby in this living hell.

I made up my mind for myself and my children, I needed to be alive to watch them grow and give them all the love and care they deserved. I knew I had to do something, I’m tired of dying in silence. I stayed back this long, because of my son, I didn’t want to raise him without his father. Having a four-year-old son in this hell of a marriage is no joke. But I wondered if I could do this alone?

I am a second-class upper law graduate, am quite educated and responsible, with the right channels I would be back and on my feet to raise my children and have my life back. I was a practicing lawyer when Jide met me, but I quit my job because I wanted to keep my home and husband when he insisted that I quit, so I choose Jide over my career. What a waste!!!

Now I know that a woman should have a life outside her home and strive to create a balance between the two. I decided to take a bow, to take the walk, as this was the only wise choice to make. There is nothing like he would change, that change might only be possible when my blood must have flown, leaving my children helpless.  

Now I refuse to let him change, my life and that of my children are more important than his change. Walking away was the best decision, I RATHER WALK AWAY ALIVE THAN DEAD.

Written By Emmanuel Ugbaja

8 Comments

  1. The signs are always there,we see them but choose to ignore them because “Desperation” …ada is married and I am the only one left.No man has the right to lay his hands on any woman at all no matter what and No woman should put up with a man who hits her that is why every woman should strive to have her “own” before settling down. Even when married, continue the hustle unless you are slowing down for a while cause of your kids…Marraige should be a plus and not it all for you!

  2. The signs are always there,we see them but choose to ignore them because “Desperation” …ada is married and I am the only one left.No man has the right to lay his hands on any woman at all no matter what and No woman should put up with a man who hits her that is why every woman should strive to have her “own” before settling down. Even when married, continue the hustle unless you are slowing down for a while cause of your kids…Marraige should be a plus and not it all for you! Very Nice write up.

  3. This issue of abuse is becoming too rampant and must be taken into serious consideration. It’s sad how many lives have been claimed in this!

  4. This was difficult for me to read, especially the part about the spousal rape. How can anyone sleep peacefully after doing this to someone they promised to protect, love and cherish?

    Abuse does terrible things to you, your mind and self esteem. You want to leave but you can’t and it is really inexplicable. So, it is quite easy for people to judge someone who seems like they do not want to leave the situation alive.

    An abuser (male/female) will work on you psychologically and make you feel that no one wants you and no one will want you if you leave the relationship/marriage. They make you dependent on them and cut you off from anything that can make you independent or resistant to bullying, even from family and friends. They are narcissists and derive joy in bringing pain to another.

    They make you feel worthless and invincible and it is your fault that they hit you because you deserved it. Eventually, you start believing that they are telling the truth. After all, he/she loves you…..or so you think and that they are only behaving that way because you are a bad person.

    Then, the theatrics displayed for the ones that manage to be remorseful is almost always unbelievable.

    On leaving the toxic relationship/marriage, truth is that you cannot try to convince a domestic violence victim to leave because they do not have enough ‘fight’ left in them to do so. Also because they are used to depending on this abuser for ‘love’, they panic at the thought of starting over and alone. It is worse when there are children involved.

    Nobody can pull you out forcefully because if you do not leave of your own volition, chances that you will go back are high. The children you are claiming to stay back for/to protect are watching the violence, learning the wrong things and becoming damaged everyday.

    Leave, to live.

Leave a Response